Funny quotes are great for bringing a bit of humor into our lives. Seeing a male dog sniffing a female dog, the young daughter of Laurence Olivier asked Noël Coward what they were doing. It’s night before it’s afternoon. 19. The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. Number two is death. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you may need medicine.” Funny Quotes and Sayings impressive funny quotes #3. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates. Look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker, writer, “Karaoke is the great equalizer.” —Aisha Tyler, talk show host, “I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.” —Stephen Hawking, physicist. Not everyone is a fan of daylight saving time, as seen in … Funny Quotes Quotes tagged as "funny" Showing 1-30 of 8,186 “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Dumbest Political Quotes of All Time. The holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but sometimes, it may not feel that way. Time to have a gooooood laugh, time to unveil the best funny travel quotes you will love. “Can you imagine a world without men? The 100 Funniest Quotes of All Time By Andy Simmons, RD.com Updated: Aug. 21, 2020 Between the savage insults and hilarious insights, this collection of the funniest quotes of all time will leave you laughing. Gym Quotes When you are at home because of Corona and you have no choice but to work out in your own living room. From Denny: Humanity sure does have a wide ranging opinion about Time, most of it humorous! You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain, “An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!’” —Anonymous, “The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.” —George Will, columnist, “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb … and I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton, “It was a blonde. “Start every day with a smile and get over it.” —W. 45+ of our best funny quotes and sayings about time. “User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot. J. O’Rourke, writer, “The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected and prove it.” —P. Thoroughly Entertaining and Funny Quotes About Life. In today’s article, I will introduce you to funny life quotes. Go to table of contents. There’s plenty of time to be dead. •I never make the same mistake twice. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. I am sure that you will like it. Are you cracking up from the funniest quotes of all time? “If you’re not having a good time, find something else that gives you some joy in life.” – Penny Marshall. And they have. Act like you’ve got all day, it will take fifteen minutes. Our collection of witty funny pictures of funny saying which are short words, easy to remember but still hilarious phrases. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres. Good but not that good be amazing much more funny and cool things for kid and adults I read these yo myself I … There’s always another night.” —Steve Carell, “A note from a student’s mother: ‘Please excuse Chris from reading, because he doesn’t like it. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman, “As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.” —Jean Ferris, “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin, “I love deadlines. “Cats are smarter than dogs. Funny life quotes “In three words I can sum up … Life Quotes Short Quotes As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. A day wasted on others is not wasted on one’s self. See more ideas about christmas quotes, christmas humor, funny. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Oscar Wilde. If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level. I make it three four times,... • Sit down and let me tell you a story. Three o’clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. Some of the quotes below are pure gold! Thoroughly Entertaining and Funny Quotes About Life. Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. 20. Time is what we want most, but what we use worst. “When tempted to fight fire with fir 100 Christmas Quotes. Not all sayings and thoughts have to be profound, or move you into changing your life from the ground up. For this reason, we’ve created a hand-picked selection of funny friendship quotes that celebrate the beauty of true friendship. Here are 60 short and funny motivational quotes to help brighten your day: 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes. We love to buy books because we believe we’re buying the time to read them. Temporal Thoughts: Inspiring, Funny, and Revealing Quotes about Time & Timepieces. Check out these funny work cartoons. 23. May 5, 2017 - Explore luisa adely's board "old time sayings" on Pinterest. For this reason, we’ve created a hand-picked selection of funny friendship quotes that celebrate the beauty of true friendship. But so is thunder and lightning.” —Clint Eastwood. “I admit that I live in the past, but only because housing is so much cheaper.” —Matt Wohlfarth. Wonderful Funny Quotes. Share these short quotes and one liners with your Thanksgiving guests at dinner. Whether they like it or not. With so much humor in the world, we’ve collected some hilarious life If you enjoyed these funny quotes about time, be sure to check out all our other funny quotes and sayings too, including these: © 2020 LaffGaff.com. Humor Quotes 38k Philosophy Quotes 24k God Quotes 22k Inspirational Quotes Quotes 20.5k Truth Quotes 19.5k Wisdom Quotes 18k Poetry Quotes 17k Romance Quotes 17k Death Quotes 16k Happiness Quotes 15.5k Hope Quotes 14.5k So to keep you healthy and happy literally, enjoy these 60 funny quotes Best Funny sayings images | […] Death is number two. (For even more quotes, have a look at our selection of The Best Relationship Quotes). Time travel used to be thought of as just science fiction, but Einstein's general theory of relativity allows for the possibility that we could warp space-time so much that you could go off in a rocket and return before you set out. See more ideas about funny quotes, quotes, funny. So, I have written some inspiration ideas, value of time quotes,inspirational words about life,inspirational messages about life,personal inspirational,best short inspirational,for you based on time. Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. I need more time! One of the first people to suggest something like DST was Benjamin Franklin. Take care C. chris on September 02, 2018:. And meanwhile time goes about its immemorial work of making everyone look and feel like shit. There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. Anonymous. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), funniest lies parents have told their kids, ridiculous things people actually believed as kids, inspirational quotes to get you through the morning, most quotable books ever written (and our favorite lines from each), peace quotes from some of the world’s wisest leaders, dog cartoons will make every dog owner chuckle, Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents. Some of these are funny travel quotes from movies, others are more quotes for your travel friends. “A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.” ~ Woodrow Wyatt Let me show you! Temporal Thoughts: Inspiring, Funny, and Revealing Quotes about Time & Timepieces. “You can fail at what you don’t want—so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love.” —Jim Carrey. Part 2. “My father always said, ‘Never trust anyone whose TV is bigger than their bookshelf. They help to lighten the mood, they're excellent for breaking the ice, and of co... Close. 22. We must use time as a tool, not as a couch. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday and avoiding today. —Unknown. 20. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey, “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. The holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but sometimes, it may not feel that way. Some are funnier, others less, judge for yourself. Funny Quotes About Life's Ups and Downs. "One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. “Laugh it off. Below are hundreds of funny sayings that will make you laugh out loud, and maybe even cry a little. Monogamy is the same.” —Anonymous, Following an argument, an angry Lady Astor told Winston Churchill, “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.” Churchill snapped, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”, When Mick Jagger insisted that his wrinkles were actually laugh lines, jazz singer George Melly replied, “Surely nothing could be that funny.”, A sports columnist recalled the story of a flight attendant who asked Muhammad Ali to fasten his seat belt. I changed some of the more colorful words for the sake of our younger readers. Best Funny Quotes Life And Funny Sayings pictures “When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.” #1. I'll go shoot me some Time to keep! Easy to read a list of the most hilarious phrases ever spoken. These travel quotes are not ordered by any meaning. Read through these funny quotes and memorize a few to help lighten the mood when it’s needed. One-liners, short funny quotes, sayings, thoughts and captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, backgrounds. Explore 1000 Funny Quotes by authors including Groucho Marx, Will Rogers, and Steven Wright at BrainyQuote. Ali replied, “Superman don’t need no seat belt.” The flight attendant’s retort: “Superman don’t need no airplane either.”. We just randomly organized them for you. An acquaintance walked past Algonquin Round Table member Marc Connelly and ran a hand over Connelly’s bald pate. Enjoy these funny quotes about time: Time is a waste of money. No lie, I’m going out tomorrow to revamp my own dog’s name tag with one of these clever, funny and even slightly inappropriate dog tag sayings. Funny Sayings 1. If you’re also a technophobe you’ll think these tech cartoons are hilarious. “If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” —Will Rogers, “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” —Oscar Wilde, “They say you shouldn’t say anything about the dead unless it’s good. No crime and lots of happy fat women.” —Nicole Hollander, cartoonist. I don't go crazy, I am crazy. Anonymous. The good news is you’re the pilot. Part 2. Perfect for sharing, blogging, and tweeting. By Maria Vultaggio @mariamzzarella 10/31/15 AT 7:46 AM. “I asked my brother-in-law, the father of four boys, ‘If you had it to do all over again, would you still have kids?’ ‘Yes,’ he said. '” —Roy Hartley. Check out the most quotable books ever written (and our favorite lines from each). “My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates, “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell. My angst led me to look up quotes about time, hoping other perspectives would calm me. Top 10 Famous Political Sex Quotes. They can be used for big moments in life to put things in perspective, to celebrate success or to commiserate loss. “I’m thinking of opening a firing range where all the targets are shaped like computers with screens full of pop-up ads.” —Dan Burt. They say I’m old-fashioned, and live in the past, but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast! See more ideas about old quotes, sayings, old time sayings. Love these hilarious quotes? I love deadlines. I use three adjectives to describe them: satirical, funny, and profound. If you’re enjoying this list of the funniest quotes of all time, you’ll also enjoy the funniest movies of all time. Funniest Barack Obama Quotes of All Time. To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. Cool and Funny Sayings Amusing sayings, humorous quotes, funny proverbs, phrases, slogans, smart remarks for any occasion, witty wisdoms for fun and reflection. Funny Work Quotes: Working is that part of your lives, where we learn, we do, we learn a little more and we work a little more too.Earning is definitely one of the most vital parts of working, but in that process we also get the chances to excel what we do, to improve, to get to better opportunities, to create, to develop and to know more about what the world has in store of each one of us. Leonard Nimoy was asked by a woman, “Are you aware that you [as Spock] are the source of erotic dream material for ladies around the world?” Nimoy’s reply: “May all your dreams come true.”, “You know there’s a problem when you realize that out of the three Rs, only one begins with an R.” —Dennis Miller, comedian, “To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.” —Oscar Wilde, “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” —Billy Wilder, director, “She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.” —Bette Midler. Short Quotes Statements. We just randomly organized them for you. “ be careful about reading health books side to it train I have discovered. Up on these inspirational quotes [ … ] may 17, 2019 - funniest collection for quotes. May 17, 2019 - funniest collection for funny quotes about time will be a treat to your of. Humor moves forward despite daylights savings time originate in the past, what. 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